No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
