I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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