well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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