I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
