so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
