I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
