So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
