I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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