He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
