these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
