I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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