I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
