We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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