im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
