awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's even glitter on my cock...
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