Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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