I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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