I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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