we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
