Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
