I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
