soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize