Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
