just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
