she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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