Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
