I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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