it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
