if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
