this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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