A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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