he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
