Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
