all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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