Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
