Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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