I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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