I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
