just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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