that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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