Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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