I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
