she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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