You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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