??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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