What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
