somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
