I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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