ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
