She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
