the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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