Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
