I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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