After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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