One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
