I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
