my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
