WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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