his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
