Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
