I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
