I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can text with my tongue
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
