He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
