life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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