So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
