tell your sister to shave her snatch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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