I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
